Hypercondriach Hallucinations

Taken from Marinas blog and adapted :)

Question: For your birthday, your aunt gave you a maple syrup dispenser shaped like a rooster. Please write her a thank-you note:
Dear Aunt,
Thank you far the maple syrup dispenser. It goes perfect in my funky kitchen next to my squid whisk and Sausage-dog pie-slicer. I've never made pancakes before, but now I have a good excuse.
Love
Rachel

Question: If there isn’t an ‘I’ in team, then why is there a ‘me’?
Well, the width of 'me' is thicker than that of 'I', and They wanted to make the word look longer. They did try it with 'I' though, honest.

Question: You've been entered in a shadow puppet contest. What's your best pose?
Well, if I kneel on the floor, curve backwards and bend my arms at the elbows, I become a cobra! Rawr!

Question: If you were a wrestler, what would be your finishing move?
I would poke my opponents eyes out with my fast shoulder-shimmy!

Question: Never mind the turtle. Don't you think you're sure to win?
Well, I've never been very good at races. And it's actually a pretty fast turtle...

Question: Whoops! Your tongue is now a magnet. Whatever will you use for silverware?
Well, I have three pairs of chopsticks, and they're pretty easy to get hold of, so I think I'll be ok.

Question: When you spilled the milk, did it look like the moon?
It was an awful lot of milk and under all the bright multicoloured lights in my kitchen, it was an almost perfect replica of the solar system!

Question: What did you dream when you ate a spider while sleeping?
I dreamt that I couldn't speak. I found it didn't make much of a difference in the end.

Question: Come up with some possible band names for your group that features a washboard and a Styrofoam tuba.
Wives with Knives, Shinobi and the Sushi Chefs, The Psycho-Students

Question: Unlike a dog, how can a turtle ever be naked?
Although I disagree that a dog can never be naked, to make a turtle naked, you simply remove the shell! Would it still be a turtle?

Question: You forgot your mom's birthday! What can you make out of super glue and olive pits?
A picture frame in the shape of too large flowers!

Question: Radio wire is often used to make bird nests. What station do they listen to?
Nightingale FM All birdsong, all the time! Though sometimes the male birds listen to Blue Tits on air! It's the radio station of the popular top shelf magazine, don't you know.

Question: What would you wear for camouflage if you were hiding in a gingerbread house?
I'd make the dough for gingerbread and cover myself in it. That witch will never spot me now!

Question: You're trapped in a well with a goat and a slinky. Describe how you will escape.
I would politely ask the goat if I could saw off his horns. I would then wrap the wires of the slinky around the horns and throw it upwards until it hooked onto something. I would then pick of the goat and climb to safety!

Question: What's the most amount of sand you've ever had in your swimming trunks?
I'm not sure exactly, but I made a model of the Taj Mahal out of it!

Question: What spells can you cast with magic markers?
All my pictures come to life, even things that were dead! Do you like my picture of a dragon?

Question: Your hands have been replaced by rubber stamps. What do they say?
Yes and no, so I could express my approval or disapproval!

Question: What reason do you have to believe the earth is flat?
I peeked over the edge and saw one of the elephants. He couldn't wave to me with his foot, or else the world would have tipped and some of the ocean would have dripped off, so he used his trunk instead!

Question: Your pyjamas have duckies on them. Why did you switch from choo-choos?
Because my pyjamas are magical and whatever is on them comes to life! Duckies are much more room-friendly than choo-choos...

Bitch, you need to shut your mouth

Have you ever had some whore you don't know having a go at you because she's paranoid and delusional? This happened to me today. A friend told me that another mutual friend made up a rumour about me in a game of truth or dare. Now I don't really mind, its all for fun, but as I didn't know who he was telling, I asked him if he could just not make up stuff like that about me again. I got a reply saying why should I care because I don't know the people he was telling. I said that I'd prefer it 'cos I don't make up stuff like that about my friends, And here is how the convo went on from there:
Friend:Well your not my friend and (name) does that on a weekly basis
Me: (Assuming it's my friend talking and not his 'girl-friend') Wow thanks, and how does she feel about ur obesssion you have with (one of my friends)?
Friend (Now revealed to be friends girl-friend): U wana break us up u stupid bitch (please bear in mind I don't actually know this girl)? (Friend/Her BF) Didn't go that far!
Me:Y would I wanna break you up? I don't care about you lol. And I'm hardly stupid if I'm going to uni to do a degree am I.
Friends GF: (Who clearly misses the point) Wats that got 2 do with anythin. Look, learn to take a joke n ive seen ur mate y wud he want her when he has me lmao (Well then clearly she hasn't seen my mate and obv. didn't hear what her BF said when he saw her...)
Me:Then y did he tell me and (another mate) what he thought about her? Anyway, I'm too mature for this convo and as I don't know you, I want you to stop texting me, you're wastin my inbox space.
End Conversation. Bitch clearly took a hint :)
Anyway, I know for a FACT how her BF felt about my friend because he told me and another friend. Huni, just because you're delusional and paranoid, don't take it out on the rest of us.
Update: Apparently this ho nd her bf are having a talk tonight, so clearly something stuck. Although she told my friend (who told me) that they may break up because of me. Right so, because they don't trust each other (which they don't because of something else along a very similar vein which happened that I'm not going to go into) and the slightest hint of anything like what I mentioned is just out of the question, they're going to blame the inevitable break up fo their relationship on me. Well, some people just can't handle honesty /shrug.

The Welsh Dragon 1936-2008

My Naini (Grandmother in Welsh) died yesterday. I guess it's a good thing in the end because she was in so much pain. She told me that she didn't want me to be unhappy, but I can't help it, even though I knew it was comming. All part of the grieving process I guess. I wish I had spent more time with her, perhaps tried to get to England a little more often.

The other weekend, when I had to get a plane to Hull 20mins after finding out I was going, I was listening to my iPod on the plane. The song Thank U by Alanis Morissette came on, and one of the lyrics just really hit me:

How about not equating death with stopping

I found this very meaningful because I get very worried about death and what comes after and I found this calmed me a little bit. She had a really strong faith and was ready to 'Go to Jesus' (as she said to my mother)

I really hope there's a heaven, for her. If there is, I know she'll be there.

The day she died ( 30th June) is also very meaning ful as it's the day my Grandad (Naini's husband and my mums Dad) died, and also my cousin Kavita's birthday.

My naini was really excited about me going to Hull university to study psychology. She said she wished she had those 3 years while I was living up there. This has made me more determined. I'm not going to be lazy about my uni work, like I have been at school. I'm going to get a 1st, and go on to study to become a doctor of Clinical psychology.

Naini, I miss you so much, I hope you're happy wherever you are.