Oh soot balls...

Aren't these lil' guys just the best characters in Miyazaki's Spirited Away?

tHe NoBoDy GiRl

Something has been confirmed for me this week.
We were watching a video today of all of our class (well, almost all of us) playing pranks on teachers and slide shows of photos.
I wasn't in any of the photos.
The video I did wasn't put on either.
They also spelt my name wrong during the 'credits'.
I've been to this school since I was 5.
I was also reading a blog today which didn't really help my feelings of being over looked, but I'm not going into that.
I really didn't want to write another depressing blog my last week of school. I'm trying not to cry about all this. I just didn't expect that this is what my last week of school would feel like.
Sometimes, I just feel so isolated that I can't stand it. I'll be out with my friends and feel all alone. There's no one that I can think of that I can really relate to; that I can really trust; that really understands me, all of me.
Like I said at the start of this that something had been confirmed for me.
That thing is the realisation that I am, in a word; Average.
I'm not obese, but I'm not slim.
I'm not ugly, but I'm not pretty.
I'm not really bad at any subject, but I'm not really good either.
I don't have any particular personality traits, good or bad, that I feel make me stand out.
I don't have any hobbies at which I'm really good at (Don't say belly dancing because, again, I'm not bad, but neither am I really good).
This will probably all sound like self-pity. I don't want it to, that's not how I want it to come across. I just want people to realise that even small things can affect people, so that, with friends in the future, they'll be more careful.
I wanted this week to be sad, but in a happy way. I'd have photos with my friends, joke around, have fun. I wanted to be loud and laughing on Friday at school, then go out with my friends afterwards.
I just feel so overlooked and ignored, so lonely. I felt segregated enough as it is.
I want acknowledgement from other people so much that I almost constantly refresh my email page, in the hopes of a note from a friend. I even change my opinions on things because I think that people will talk to me more about something if they think I share the view (also to avoid conflict), similar to why I use 'Lol' so much on msn, even when I'm being serious about something.
I'm not sure if many (or any) of those who read this blog understand that the only reason I haven't tried killing myself yet is because, when I've held the scissors against my arm (and I have), I've lacked the courage of my convictions to press down just that little bit harder.
I'm not using colours in this blog post. The font and colour will be average.
Like me.

Talk is cheap.

GoOd DaY

So you dont want to hear about my good song?

And you dont want to hear about how I am getting on

With all the things that I can get done

The sun is in the sky & I am by my lonesome

So you don't want to hear about my good day?

You have better things to do (than hear me say)

Trust and lack thereof.

Trust in me,
Just in me
Shut your eyes
And trust in me
You can sleep
Safe and sound
Knowing I am around

We all know the story in the Jungle Book of the snake who hypnotises Mowgli into a false sense of security and then tries to eat him. The world is full of snakes who we start to trust, just before they turn around and stab us in the back. Sometimes these people probably don't even realise what they're doing. I'm sure the people in the story I'm about to tell you don't even remember what happened, and if they're minds did wander to it for just a second, they'd probably assume that I'd forgotten too. However, I'm the kind of person who finds it hard to forget when I've been knifed in the back. Let's begin:

The Scene: A secondary school.
The time Period: A couple of weeks before the Summer holidays.
The Characters: A group of friends. Main four characters are; Blonde #1, Blonde #2, Red and DarkBrown. Other characters in the group will be collectively referred to as Rainbow . Small reference to another member of Rainbow who will be referred to as LightBrown.

Let the Show begin.

Blonde #1 was very upset. Blonde #2 always made jokes about her weight in front of her. Blonde #2 didn't mean these in a serious way, but her humour was getting Blonde #1 very down. Blonde #1 had been friends with Red since primary school, so she asked Red to speak to Blonde #2 and ask her nicely to stop making jokes about Blonde #1's weight, as it was upsetting her. So, as Red could see how this was making Blonde #1 feel, she agreed to speak to Blonde #2 the next time the jokes came up.
When this happened, Blonde #2 accused Red of taking it too seriously and insisted that it was just a joke. Red told Blonde #2 that she understood this, but felt that it wasn't very good for Blonde #1's self-esteem and besides, Blonde #1 had asked her herself. Blonde #2 got very angry with Red and told her that she was being stupid. Blonde #2 and Red had a 'falling-out' and could barely stand to be in the same room (which is interesting because before hand, Blonde #2 and Red got on very well). However, this didn't stay just between Blonde #2 and Red. Rainbow decided to take Blonde #2's side, even though Red was just trying to stick up for a friend. Funnily enough, Rainbow included Blonde #1, even though it was her fault that Red got excluded in the first place and Red had been trying to help her out. The only one of Rainbow who was still speaking to Red was DarkBrown. DarkBrown understood what Red had been trying to do and stood by her, like all friends should. However, DarkBrown was going on holiday just before Summer, and therefore wouldn't be with Red for the last 2 weeks of school. Those last 2 weeks where some of the loneliest in Red's life. All of Rainbow (including Blonde #1) was ignoring her and for those 2 weeks, Red hardly spoke at all. Just before the beginning of the Summer holidays, something happened to make all of Rainbow (grudgingly) start speaking to Red again. There was a prize giving assembly and Red won an award for Art. Instead of congratulating her, Rainbow approached Red and said "We all thought that LightBrown should have won the prize for Art."
But at least they started speaking again, right?

Red never got an apology from anyone in Rainbow. Not even from Blonde #1.

Obviously this isn't the only incident where I've had my trust broken. I've been cheated on twice, once where my b/f cheated on me with my best friend. I trusted her more than anyone else and she wasn't even the one to tell me that they were going out, another friend did that for her. I didn't get an apology from her either.
I hope that all of 'Rainbow' read this.
Here's to all those people who think it's alright to betray the trust of others.
Kampai.

Bellydancing 101

As anyone who reads this blog knows (I'm assuming it's just friends), I bellydance...Well, duh. Anywho, I thought I'd share some info about it, as there are many misconceptions about bellydance; this is more than just shaking our bums. I'll go through a few misconceptions first, then see what else I can come up with.

So, Bellydancing 101;

1)Belly dancers are stippers...No, we are NOT strippers. We do not take our clothes off when we dance. Bellydancers can dance better than any stripper with all our clothes on, thank you very much. The reason the majority of costumes are made up of a bra and skirt/trouser combo is because if you're doing a bellyroll (contracting different muscles of the stomach at different times to give a wave effect), no one is going to see it very well if you have something covering your tummy! Which brings me to my next point;

2) You have to show your belly. Lies! Lies and slander! Lots of costumes do have the stomach covered. In caberet/Egyptian, you can wear elaborate skin tight dresses which flare out at the knee; in the style Baladi, it's traditional to wear a loose dress with a hip scarf holding it tight against your hips; if you find any paintings of older styles of costumes, you'll see that the costume consists of either a turkish vest, harem pants, a hip scarf and a see-through, loose dress kind of thing underneath, or the same as above but with an overcoat instead of a turkish vest. I've been going to classes for about a year, and we've never had to show our stomachs in class, unless of course we're showing/being shown how to do a bellyroll, as I have 'volunteered' to do a couple of times.

3) We all have lovely slim figures. Ha! Bellydancers come in all shapes and sizes. There's no such thing as a perfect shape anyway. The famous Tribal-fusion Bellydancer who made me want to start American Tribal Style and Tribal-fusion myself (Rachel Brice), said herself that she was inspired by a large bellydancer. In fact, in bellydancing, the curvyer you are, the easier it is! If you're shimmying (bending and straightening your knees to create a piston-type effect, pushing your hips up and down, one after the other) it's soooo much easier if you have more meat on your bones, 'cos there's less work to do! Your fat does the majority of the shaking for you! It's great. See? There is a reason for it!

4)Only women can bellydance. Bull, lol. At one point in history, women were banned from bellydancing. So, men dressed up as women and performed instead! If you look on youtube, you can find loads of videos of male bellydancers. In the caberat/Egyptian style, it may come off a little...camp, but it's still fantastic to watch, a male tribal bellydancers are also very popular. It's traditional a female thing, but this doesn't mean that men can't do it too!


5)Bellydancing was created to entertain men. Again, this is crap. It was actually a rite of passage. Women learned to bellydance from their mothers and other female relatives starting from a very young age. The original point of bellydancing was to ease the pains of childbirth, as the movements with the hips increase bloodflow into the pelvic area (I sound like a textbook >.<). Bellydancing was by women, for women. It was not to entertain men, and the majority of bellydancers will not dance for a male only audience (goes back to the whole stripper thing). I see nothing wrong with practicing some moves in front of friends (I have practiced in front of a male friend once for opinions), but I wouldn't do a male-only performance (unless we were married and I got something in return ;) heh heh heh :P). Related to this, is the taboo surrounding the word 'Harem'. In our western culture, a Harem was where a Sultans concubines were, lounging around and and existing purely to entertain him. Harem actually means 'Forbidden place' (coming from a Turkish/Arabic word) and it was the part of the house where only women and men of the family were allowed to go. This was to protect the women from strange men. Although I don't entrily agree with that kind of thing either, it was not a place where women hung around, half-naked all for one man, ok?!

That's pretty much all I can think of on the misconceptions front, but I'm sure there will be more! Lets talk props bitches!

1)Veil- Not something you wear round your face. A veil is a large piece of material that we swing around and make dances look more elaborate and purdy. Lots of fun!

2)Zills- or finger-cymbals. Complicated to use, you have to practice while you move, otherwise when you try dancing with them, you'll just get confused. Basic rythmn is rightleftright rightleftright rightleftright etc etc.









3)Canes- Traditional with the baladi style, originally making fun of a mens dance, which used large sticks and simulated fighting. Canes get swung around, hit on the floor and balanced on various places. Fun! ^_^

4)Swords- These are specially balanced and blunt for dancing. Seriously, you'd have to be very good/crazy to dance with a sharp sword. These don't really get thrown around, like canes, but they are used mainly in balance. They look amazing!

5)Wings of Isis- although they have a very posh sounding name, these aren't traditional bellydance props like the four above. Mainly used in cabaret/Egyptian, but there's a video of a girl on youtube doing a Tribal-Fusion dance with these!

6)Fans- Going more into Fusion bellydance now, these can look really spectacular, especially if in Tribal and they're all snapped out the same time.








7)Fan Veils- I love these! I have two! They are baisically bamboo fans with silk attached and look amazing open or closed! Again, these are mainly used in tribal-fusion.











8)Tray of candles- Another balancing act! Best to practice whilst they aren't lit so that you can get the position of the candles right to balance with.











9)Fire fans, Poi etc- Woo! Pyromania! These can be used like fans in bellydance, they're just something a bit different.








So, there's a little insight on bellydancing! an amazing way to keep fit, make new friends and just generally feel good about yourself. I'd recomend it to anyone!